the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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