Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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