life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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