Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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