Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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