I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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