i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize