he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We need to get me chipped asap
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