I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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