I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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