sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize