how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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