like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize