Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize