Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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