A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize