yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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