i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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