Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize