And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize