he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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