Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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