To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Drake has all the answers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
