the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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