he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize