I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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