I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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