i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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