put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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