my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize