He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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