She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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