3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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