I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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