mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize