I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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