I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize