yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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