On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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