Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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