I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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