I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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