I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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