My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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