Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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