well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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