The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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