Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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