Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize