Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize