i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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