Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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